Online dating can be a frustrating experience, especially for men who often feel like they are competing against a large group of attractive men for the attention of a small pool of women.
Joe Buchoff, a software engineer turned entrepreneur, knows this feeling all too well. After moving to Eastern Europe on his own and struggling to connect with people through dating apps like Tinder and Bumble, he found himself feeling lonely and rejected. Despite not being “bad looking,” he struggled to get matches or even responses from the women he reached out to.
He even tried the tactic of swiping right on everyone, but that didn’t yield any results either. The rare times he did get a match, the woman often didn’t message back or just wanted him to follow them on social media. Feeling like he had no control over his love life, Joe decided to take matters into his own hands and figure out what the difference was between the guys who got swiped right and those who were ignored.
After researching and experimenting with different strategies, Joe discovered that the key to successful online dating is having attractive, candid photos. Posed or “staged” photos, which many men use, actually received less attention on dating sites. He found that the more effort a man put into his photo, the less attention he received. However, candid photos that capture the subject’s natural, attractive self seemed to grab women’s attention and make them more likely to swipe right or respond to messages.
Another key he found to online dating profile photos as a whole was by asking a simple question: “What does this photo say about me?” Most photos guys uploaded to Tinder, Bumble or Hinge (he created a girl profile to check behind the curtain and see what kinds of photos other guys used) were either selfies with bland backgrounds – a wall or a tree – or them standing or sitting trying to look cool. Joe decided to break the mold and try getting photos of him doing things.
He listed his hobbies and datable qualities and took photos of them one by one for his new dating profile. Joe loved art and, at the time, was doing freelance graphic design to make money. He got other guests at the hostel to take photos of him on his laptop working on designs. He also has an adventurous personality, and got some photos of him showing his mischievous side climbing on things around the city. Running, karaoke and more completed his profile.
Joe listened to others and tested their advice. Some resulted in the insights mentioned above, but some advice Joe found made girls ignore him.
Some guys told him that for his online dating photos, he should act like he didn’t care, wearing what he wanted rather than trying to look fashionable, and not caring so much about how lined up his facial hair was so he didn’t look too “try-hard.” He also heard that photos of him eating were not a good idea. While he doubted these tips right when he heard them, Joe decided he needed to find out for himself whether or not this made sense, and quickly he was able to see that some advice out there (including some from some “gurus”) was false.
Joe’s key guiding light was to take photos that got girls to notice, as long as they were authentic to him. If his photos got more matches, he did more of that. If they got less, he stopped that particular route.
He used his newfound knowledge to improve his own dating profile photos and eventually met a woman he ended up dating for the rest of his time in Latvia. When he returned to his home country, Joe continued to improve his profile and found the lessons he learned were universal regardless of which country he was swiping in. He was so successful in his endeavors that he started Dating Unchained (https://www.datingunchained.com). There, he decided to use his skills to help other men improve their profiles through dating profile photoshoots and finding relationships.
Since then, over 100 men have put their trust in Joe to help them be noticed by women and build the love life they’ve been looking for. Based in Austin, TX, he’s decided this past year to make his services available to anyone, anywhere, who’s willing to fly him out to their city. So far, clients in more than 20 cities have gotten Joe to capture their best side, flying him out to do a dating profile photoshoot right in their neighborhood.
It’s easy to feel like online dating is a rigged game. Still, by focusing on having candid, attractive dating profile photos and being authentic, you can increase your chances of finding a meaningful connection. Joe’s story shows that it is possible to turn your online dating experience around and find happiness, even in the midst of loneliness and rejection.
To find out more about his online dating photoshoots, visit his website at https://www.datingunchained.com.
[Photo Credit: Rohan Mutalik]