By: Mary Sahagun

Amber Duncan, founder of Life After Debt, never expected her free 15-minute Clarity Calls to double as crisis counseling. But time after time, what started as a conversation about credit card debt turned into something far more fragile: a confession.

A wife who hid a “just in case” credit card for five years. A husband who secretly took out a $20,000 personal loan after a layoff. A couple that hadn’t looked at a bank statement together in a decade.

They didn’t reach out because they were careless. They reached out because the silence had grown too loud. Because it wasn’t just about numbers anymore, it was about trust.
Amber sees this pattern often: the lies we tell about money are often the ones that hurt the most. And in her years of helping thousands of Americans eliminate debt for significantly less than what they owe, one thing has become painfully clear: financial infidelity can have a more damaging impact on marriages than emotional affairs.

The Infidelity We Don’t Talk About

We expect infidelity to involve secret text messages or flirtations. But what about the hidden credit card? The unopened statements? The sinking feeling when you realize your partner isn’t just stressed; they’re overwhelmed?

According to Debt.com’s 2024 Debt & Divorce Survey, more than 30% of divorced individuals cited credit card debt and spending as a contributing factor in their breakup. And a study revealed that over half of respondents had engaged in some form of financial deception in their relationships.

It’s not surprising. In a culture that teaches us to fear money conversations more than relationship ones, secrecy feels safer. We hide debt not because we’re malicious, but because we’re ashamed.

Amber knows this because she’s lived it. In 2008, she filed for bankruptcy after the financial collapse wiped out everything she’d built. “A bankruptcy attorney looked me in the eye and said, ‘I’ll see you here again,’” she recalls. “That was the moment everything changed.”

She rebuilt, not just her life, but an entire philosophy around debt—one rooted in transparency, empathy, and action. No shame. No blame. Just clarity.

When Love Meets the Ledger

One of Amber’s Clarity Calls involved a woman drowning in $24,000 of Amex debt. For over a year, she carried the burden alone, terrified of what might happen if her new husband found out. Amber not only offered practical next steps but also encouraged her to have the difficult conversation with her spouse instead of carrying the secret any longer.

“I believed the lie that he would leave me,” she later wrote to Amber. “But when I finally told him, his response was unbelievably supportive. He extended grace, understanding, and just held me. Our marriage has been incredibly fulfilling since. It changed in ways I never could have imagined.”

For her, what began as a crushing secret turned into a turning point of trust and intimacy. Amber sees this repeatedly: when couples face hidden debt together, the honesty doesn’t just save their finances, it can save their marriage.

Healing Starts with the Hard Conversations

Amber encourages couples to start small: schedule a weekly “money check-in.” Make it casual. No blame, no spreadsheets, just truth. What came in? What went out? Where do we feel safe? Where are we scared?

The goal isn’t perfection. It’s connection.

Many of Amber’s clients say these conversations become the most intimate part of their relationship. Not because everything’s fixed, but because, for the first time, everything’s out in the open.

And if the debt feels too big, too messy, too overwhelming? That’s where the Clarity Call comes in. Amber’s 15-minute sessions are designed to be judgment-free spaces to talk, plan, and breathe. They’re not sales calls. They’re designed to be soul calls. And for many, they’ve been the turning point not just in their finances but also in their relationship.

From Shame to Strategy

Financial infidelity thrives in silence. But silence isn’t protection, it’s erosion. Every lie, every hidden receipt, every “don’t worry about it” chips away at the foundation.

Amber’s message is simple, but profound: you’re not bad at money, you’re just not facing it alone.

Whether it’s negotiating debt down to manageable terms, creating a strategy for joint accountability, or simply giving people the words to start the conversation, Life After Debt is challenging the way we talk about financial strain and how we recover from it.

Because the real betrayal isn’t the debt, it’s the belief that you have to carry it alone.

What We Hide Hurts Us. What We Share Heals Us

Infidelity of any kind is a rupture in trust. But the hidden financial lives so many couples live aren’t about betrayal; they’re about fear. And fear can be faced.

Amber Duncan has made it her mission to help people face it with support, strategy, and grace. Through Life After Debt, she’s showing couples a different way forward: not through shame or suffering, but through clarity, conversation, and committed action.

In the end, love doesn’t lose to debt. Silence does.

Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered as professional financial or relationship advice. Individual experiences may vary, and the effectiveness of financial strategies discussed may depend on personal circumstances. Always consult with a financial professional or relationship counselor for tailored guidance.