“Did you know that people in loving relationships have been scientifically proven to be happier and live a whole decade longer?” Couples Therapist Shan Merchant is enthused about Robert Waldinger’s Harvard study. It found conclusively that, more than any focus on wealth, achievement, meaningful work, or even healthy eating and exercise, having healthy relationships is the best predictor that you’ll enjoy a longer, healthier, happy life.
“But the sad part for me…” she continues, “is that most couples are in the Power Struggle stage of their relationship and they don’t know it. I want more people to realize they can exit the Power Struggle and live an extraordinarily happy life together, because I did, and it’s what I help couples do.”
Shan is a Couples Therapist and Relationship Expert, born in New Zealand but has lived and worked in Ibiza, London and Yorkshire for 20 years. She helps high-achieving couples on the brink of divorce put back on their wedding rings and get the love they always wanted, by understanding the 4 Stages of Relationships and learning one simple communication method.
What sets Shan apart from others in her field is her personal experience. She understands the Power Struggle stage first-hand, having battled through it in her own 14-year relationship. At the point where they were constantly fighting and couldn’t imagine getting back to the love they once had, Shan and her partner discovered the transformative power of Imago Relationship Therapy.
“We were in the Power Struggle stage, which is basically relationship hell… At times we couldn’t stand to be in the same room.” – Shan Merchant
But they did the work and successfully navigated their way back to a place of love, peace and an extraordinary connection. Shan says conventional couples therapy and concepts like the 5 Love Languages, though they have their merits, wouldn’t have been able to save them.
“When you’re in the Power Struggle stage of your
relationship, knowing each other’s ‘Love Languages’ isn’t going to cut it.” – Shan Merchant
In her book ‘From Power Struggle to Peaceful Couple,’ Shan provides couples with a step-by-step roadmap through the 4 Stages of Relationships, and focuses on them learning a communication method in order to remove their ‘relationship landmines’. Drawing from her own journey and professional expertise, her book also offers a frank, insightful, and tender account of her own Power Struggle and lessons learned along the way.
Shan’s approach is unique in several ways. First, she practices what she preaches, using a unique communication technique daily with her partner. Her authenticity and personal commitment to her teachings make her an empathetic and relatable guide for couples seeking transformation. Secondly, she offers a 3-month program called ‘From Power Struggle to Peace,’ designed to deliver results and create lasting change. This program is ideal for couples who have not found success in conventional couples therapy and prefer a focused, results-oriented approach.
Shan’s central message is around the importance of learning effective communication skills. Communication breakdown is the number one reason relationships deteriorate, leading to separation and divorce. By teaching couples how to communicate in a safe and supportive manner, Shan empowers them to truly hear and understand each other.
It’s crucial for couples to recognize that being stuck in the Power Struggle stage is not the end. It is a necessary phase for healing childhood wounds and growing into an unstoppable, powerfully intimate, and loving team. By embracing the challenges and committing to doing the work, couples can achieve real love.
Shan’s expertise in relationship dynamics includes high-achieving couples of all stripes, including LGBTQ+ and neurotypical/neurodiverse romantic relationships, drawing from her personal experience of relating with her partner and daughter, both on the autism spectrum.
“The method I teach works universally for all couples; straight, gay, neurodiverse, or neurotypical,” says Shan. “As a therapist it’s remarkable to witness that beautiful moment when both partners lay down their weapons. Then I know the healing can begin.”
As Shan prepares to launch her three-month program in July 2023, she is eager to share her insights with a global audience. She is open to participating in international podcast interviews, engaging with hosts on topics such as understanding the 4 Stages of Relationships, identifying signs of the Power Struggle stage, the significance of the ‘Space Between’ in relationships, the impact of childhood traumas on adult relationships, and the transformative power of her simple communication method.
Shan Merchant‘s mission to help couples become true ‘Power Couples’ is driven by her passion and personal journey. Her dedication to helping couples exit the Power Struggle and elevate their relationship so they can live happier lives is evident in her work. By imparting the necessary skills and self-awareness, Shan guides couples and singles around the globe to attain the love they’ve always desired. Through her powerful Imago method and her own lived experience, Shan equips her clients with the tools to navigate the ups and downs of life, including challenges with children, work-life balance, high-profile careers, and illness.
As Shan prepares to launch her three-month program, ‘From Power Struggle to Peace,’ in July 2023, she invites couples on the verge of giving up to consider the potential for growth and healing. Divorce is not the only option. By learning how to communicate effectively and delving into the underlying issues that fuel conflict, couples can rewrite their story and rediscover the love and connection they thought was lost.
